


i'll explain the infinite

by farm_lesbian



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Amy dies but not really?, Angst, F/F, F/M, Idk read and you'll see, Immortality, Rosa/Gina is only mentioned a bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 11:56:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13166418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/farm_lesbian/pseuds/farm_lesbian
Summary: "You convince yourself that getting involved would only hurt more. So you push her away with dumb “title of your sex tape” jokes and gentle bullying. You make sure you never cross the line to being full out mean to her, and if you do, you leave a coffee on her desk the next morning as an apology. She gives you a small smile that makes your entire being feel warm, and you know you two will be okay. You try not to think too hard about the fuzzy feeling in your chest."





	i'll explain the infinite

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I haven't written anything in like...Years but I randomly got the inspiration for this, sat down, and wrote almost 2k words?? I'm very confused but thought I'd post it anyways. No idea how good it is cause it's 2am and I barely checked it over but I hope you guys enjoy! Let me know what you think!! I'd love tips on how to improve, and what parts you liked the most/least. Thanks, and hope it's a good read.

The first time you meet her is Before.

You’re 17 years old and she lives two doors down and you know she’s the one.

She’s wearing a poofy, sky blue dress with lace around the collar and sleeves. She says hello and you blush, stuttering over your words in a manner very unlike your usual self. It’s the beginning of a friendship, and a love, that you know will last a lifetime. You just never thought it would end up being lifetimes. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - 

It hits you a little over 10 years later. You’re walking next to her, enjoying the blue skies and quiet breeze, listening to her quiet chatter adoringly. You’re not paying much attention to anything else other than her voice. So when you stumble over a strangely nebulous root, you can’t catch yourself when you’re hurled to the ground. Everything is dark for god knows how long. When you wake up, you know things are different, you just don’t know how. Once you’re home you look in the mirror and examine every angle trying to figure out what’s wrong, but nothing jumps out at you. She places her head on your shoulder and wraps her arms around your waist, whispering to you that everything’s okay, you just got the wind knocked out of you. You’re not so sure.

5 years pass and you start to notice it. Where thin lines have begun to show around her eyes, and a grey hair or two appears, you have nothing. You look exactly the same as you did on that day in the woods. You don’t know what, but something isn’t right. You have to get out. 

You leave two nights later, placing your lips on her forehead with a kiss that’s filled with equal parts sorrow, love, and guilt. You know (at least, you think) it’s for the best though.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - -

60 years is a very long time to think something over. Almost too long if you do say so yourself. You realize though that there’s no use in running away, and you find her again. You bump into her “randomly” in the local grocery store. She’s a bit older than you now, and your heart sinks as you see the roundness of her pregnant stomach. You strike up a conversation with her about the different types of apples (Lame, yes, but it was on the spot) and eventually, it leads into her talking about her baby’s father. He left her a little while back, couldn’t deal with the pressures of fatherhood or something. You feel a flicker of joy knowing you have a chance, before realizing how terrible that is. It’s obviously not easy for her, and you feel guiltier by the second when the tears glisten in her eyes.

You meet her there every weekend for a month before she asks you to dinner.

It’s a little over 10 years later, and you feel like you should explain. She doesn’t ask questions, but she has to have some when her husband still looks like a spry 29-year-old when he should be in his mid-40s. It’s the familiar cold breeze that finally brings you to do it. After, she stares at you for a solid minute before leaning over and wrapping her arms around you. You release a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding.

The years go on, and the lies get more intricate. You make it work though. You could keep up with this for as many lifetimes as you need to, you tell her. Until one chilly autumn day, she takes one last deep breath. You should be glad that the lies are over, it’ll be easier now. But you really can’t be.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - -

The next time is far too short. You’ve just found her when she’s taken from you. It’s quick and painless, they say. But it doesn’t matter how many more years you have on this planet. You’ll never be able to scrub the blood off of your hands or get her dying scream out of your head. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - -

You’re a cop now. Decided you would try and figure out some way to help people since you’ll be on this earth for god knows how many more years. At least the movies have gotten better. There are good cop movies now, like Die Hard. And Die Hard 2. In this version of your life, you’ve also met Gina. One night, after getting super drunk, she tells you about the funny feeling she got one day and how she still looks the same as she did 20 years ago. She tries to blow it off the next day as dumb drunken rambling until you cut her off and explain the whole thing. She stares at you like you’re insane, and then pulls you into an uncharacteristically warm hug. You ask her if she’s found the one and she shrugs noncommittally. A few years later when you get her a job with you at the precinct, you’ll see how she looks at the brooding, curly-haired detective and you’ll know. You don’t say anything though, it’s not your place. She asks you about your “one” and you tell her that you’ve pretty much given up on finding her again. Figured it would be kind of pointless, it hurts you more every time anyways. You think that will be the end of it, until another lifetime from now. You never expected her to find you instead. 

She walks into the precinct one day introducing herself as “Detective Santiago”. She looks different than last time. Her hair is darker, and a bit shorter. She carries herself differently too, like she’s a rubber band about to snap. You know it’s her though, you always do.

You convince yourself that getting involved would only hurt more. So you push her away with dumb “title of your sex tape” jokes and gentle bullying. You make sure you never cross the line to being full out mean to her, and if you do, you leave a coffee on her desk the next morning as an apology. She gives you a small smile that makes your entire being feel warm, and you know you two will be okay. You try not to think too hard about the fuzzy feeling in your chest. 

You think you’re fine until she starts seeing Teddy. Even his name sounds stupid to you. Teddy. What is he, a bear? You know you’re just being petty, but you feel so dumb, thinking you could just stay friends with her. She’s your one, even if she has no idea. You can’t explain it to her though. She’ll think your crazy, and you don’t want to force her into anything she doesn’t actually want. 

A year passes, and you tell yourself it’s for the best. That’s until you kiss and everything you’ve been preaching to yourself is thrown out the window.

You’ve been together almost two years when you decide to tell her. You’ve been through some of the craziest things of your many lifetimes together, and you’re sure there’s no way it will scare her off. At least that’s what you tell yourself. She laughs at you until she sees how serious your face is and cuts herself off. She tells you she needs some time to figure it out and your heart feels like it’s going to burst because this is what you were afraid of and you can’t lose her again and-

She’s back before the night is over. She slips in next to you in your bed and whispers that she doesn’t understand but that she loves you and she’s going to stay with you no matter what. That you’ll figure out what to do.

You get married, and then approximately 8 months later you have your first kid. 3 years later, your second.

No one questions why you look the same, while Amy’s hair has grown grey streaks and the wrinkles on her have begun to look more prominent. You’re grateful, but mostly because you can avoid thinking about what it means. 

Eventually, you start wearing makeup-it’s way better than it was before-and she only teases you gently about it. You have to try even harder not to think about what it means that all of her hair is grey now and that she can’t remember things at the rate she used to. 

 

Amy Santiago passed away on a cold February Monday. In the end, she hadn’t remembered much. Couldn’t differentiate between all your different grandchildren. But her face always lit up when she saw you come in the room. It’s what you hold onto now as you and Gina stand side by side in the cemetery. The wind chills you to your bones, and not just because of the temperature. It reminds you of everything you’ve lost. How unfair it is. And then you almost laugh, because you realize that you’re jealous of her. For being dead. Because she’d gone peacefully, while you’re stuck here without her. Again. Gina’s the only one left now, the rest of them passed away before Amy. She doesn’t talk about it, but you know that Gina misses Rosa. You don’t mention it when you see her trying to search for her. Only when you found her crying in the bathroom did you bring her into a gentle hug. You know how much it hurts the first time, and you don’t mention how it hurts even more the next. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - -

You’re a teacher now. Couldn’t get into police work again as to not draw attention to yourself. You moved away to Maine. Figured it was far enough away where people wouldn’t know you. It’s kind of boring, Brooklyn with its busyness was always more your style. Gina lives two doors down from you, and you see each other as often as you can. It’s bittersweet. You’re so glad to have someone who understands now, who you don’t have to hide from. But you both know that the other reminds you of what you’ve both lost.

Gina finds Rosa again once you and her have been in Maine for two years. You hug her hard this time and exclaim how happy you are. You try not to think about the unfairness of it all and just be happy for your friend.

It’s a gorgeous spring day when you see Amy again. You always feel better this time of year, the flowers bringing you a cheesy sense of hope and happiness. She’s the parent of a student at the school. You aren’t even paying much attention until you hear a slightly peeved “Excuse Me?” and a woman asking for directions to room 1201. You turn to find yourself face to face with her. She doesn’t look much different, surprisingly. She’s wearing a cute light blue dress, with white flowers all over it. Her hair is styled shorter and curlier than before, but there’s no doubt in your mind that it’s her. You know that like always, it will only end in hurt. You smile, and try and be polite, but nothing more.

She asks you out on a date two weeks later, and you say yes.


End file.
